Friday, February 1, 2013

SERENA: AN ADULT FAIRY TALE (1980) movie review

Serena: An Adult Fairy Tale (1980)
d. Lincoln, Fred J. (USA)

(in order of appearance)

China Leigh – Fairy Godmother
Serena – Cindy
Natasha Raphael – Brunette Prostitute #1
Gary Baron – Restrained Lover
Dorothy LeMay (as Norma Gene) – Blonde Prostitute
Lee LeMay – Blonde Prostitute’s Lover
Valerie Darlyn (as Lotta Leggs)  – Diane the Madame
Jamie Gillis – Mr. Thomas
Blair Harris – Godmother’s Lover
Paul Thomas – Prince Charles
Marlene Munroe – Brunette Prostitute #2

Screenwriter Daniel Webster’s modern and very threadbare retelling of the Cinderella myth with the attractive

but mortally acting challenged porn legend Serena pouting and mugging her way through the title role.  Seems Cindy’s dad sold his daughter into prostitution after her mother died (what a dick!), and now she’s stuck doing all the dirty work and dirtier work around the brothel.  No evil stepmothers or stepsisters, just a buncha nasty whores.  (I’m not calling names – that’s what they are.)  But hey, there’s a prince coming… and when I say, coming, you know what I’m talking about…

1. Raphael knocks restrained dom john into bed then nearly rams his prominent beak into his brain during some very enthusiastic 69’ing.  Meanwhile, Serena humps the corner of a wall.

2. Leigh teleports into Serena’s bed (and then magically teleports the two back to her waterbed) for some Sapphic tricks, revealing China’s prodigious pubes.

3. LeMay borrows Serena’s backdoor to satisfy her latest client while wielding a venerable vibrator on her underling’s privates.

4. After some menial chores, Serena is caught napping by Darlyn who has entered with Gillis (sporting a bizarre leather top hat and plaid shirt.  What kind of court is this?)  After smacking Serena around, Darlyn gets some tongue action from Gillis, then swaps him out for Serena while Gillis takes the slave from behind.

5. Shower time!  Serena soaps ups the lasses while they mock her mercilessly.  Raphael threatens to give the blonde a golden shower of her own, but then pulls up short and settles for a little oral pleasure instead.

6. Leigh takes a little waterbed 69 break with her male lover for no apparent reason other than to pass the time until the Prince shows up.

7. The Grand BALL.  (Get it?  Get it?)  LeMay, Darlyn and Raphael greet Gillis and Paul Thomas as the Prince.  Also on hand is Munroe as some random brunette prostitute who offers Thomas a cigar moistened up Monica Lewinsky style.  Gillis pairs off with Raphael and Darlyn while Thomas gets LeMay and Munroe.  Everyone seems happy with this arrangement.

8. Serena, magically given a black shawl, tights, garter and studded belt by Leigh, strolls in and steals Thomas off to the next room.  The two of them do their thing by the fireplace while the neglected quintet occupy themselves with a jumbo dildo and Gillis’ manhood.  Everyone lives happily ever after.

What is up with the endless cutaways to the four sided face statue on the wall?  Did they have no other interesting artwork in the joint?

Whose idea was it to put Cindy in little fuzzy moccasins?

Clearly this is someone’s house in the Hollywood Hills that they took over for the weekend.

I’m assuming everyone knows that director Fred J. Lincoln starred as “Weasel” 
in Wes Craven’s notorious debut film, The Last House on the Left (1971).  But in case you didn’t, there you go.

Dorothy LeMay (of Taboo and Taboo II) fame appears as “Norma Gene,” pretty funny considering she was acting opposite Marlene Munroe.  Okay, maybe it’s not that funny.

The inconsistent climactic audio conventions could have been amusing had they kept them up and kept up the variety.  But for some reason, they are limited to a car crash after Natasha Raphael goes for the high notes and a horse noise after Jamie blasts off in the final orgy scene.   L-A-Z-Y.

“Introducing” China Leigh, even though she’d done at least eight other skin flicks prior under different names.

“Special Guest Star” Jamie Gillis almost seems like he’s playing two different roles, with his scruffy unshaven mug and sketchy roustabout vocal characterization in an earlier scene and his somewhat spruced up appearance as a member of the Prince’s court.  (In fact, the only member.)  Or maybe he changed his mind between scenes.  Either way, it’s pretty wacky.

Does anyone actually get so turned on by watching others have sex that they hump walls and use scrubbing brushes on their privates?  Wow.


DVD Release: Impulse Pictures
Run Time: 69 minutes
DVD Release Date: February 12, 2013
Language: English
Aspect Ratio: 1.33:1
Format: DVD
Retail Price: $24.95

No comments:

Post a Comment